My biggest influencer in life has been my religious background.  Through the years, I had always felt a close relationship with Jesus Christ that grew stronger at some points, weaker at various times as well.  I came to this conclusion through my emotional struggles and life hardships: our faith will be tested and in desperate times especially we are more prone to attacks. I especially see this more clearly now.  I had chosen to take a Christ like venture over the past few years and I now have a firmer understanding of what he sacrificed and endured. We all have our influencers and backgrounds, whether it be Christianity, no religion, political, Buddhist, or an organized group of alliances.  I have recently been conflicted as to where I wanted to bank my chips so to speak.

     As Christ befriended all types of people, the sick, the poor, the rich, the lonely, the elderly, the children, the sinners as the holy bible describes, and the strong and spiritually grounded, he became more aware of how strong his spiritual convictions were and how connected he was to God.  If Christ were to come back in time to these current days, I feel he would do the same thing yet with a different approach based on how his last attempts to unify and spiritually connect people went.  He knew he was called to a purpose not only by what his mother Mary and father Joseph told him, yet also because his ties to the Divine were and continue to be very strong and solid.

    I feel God chooses certain people, situations, and desperate times, to work through people or others means.  I took a big hit in my spirituality over the years, and I finally realized my approach needed a lot of work.  I hadn't yet experienced life in diversified ways to truly understand the melting pot of culture, religion, ethnicity, and the physically and mentally challenged people and animals. I felt my eyes open wider and became fully awakened inside in spirit and mind amidst my exploration efforts. It took a toll on my emotions and exhausted my energies at times, yet all in all, I don't regret my decisions as much as I feel driven and ever much more so passionate about my future. There had even days I wanted to throw in the towel and I have cried like a baby, to the point I grew inside and have had a breakthrough of some sort that I can't explain fully right yet.  I am thankful to be alive after that emotional turmoil, and I will never take life for granted again. I feel I spent too many years not appreciating the simple things in life that give it the most meaning. Although it significantly anguishes me to see or feel other people's pain, hardships, and suffering of all sorts, I am now better aware of how important it is to balance our energy between the source and submitting in life with proper rest, established routine, diet, fitness, medications or remedies when needed and helpful, and socializing and attempt to strive for heathy relationships in all we do each day. Although that isn't always easy I understand nor is it entirely possible at times, all we can do is try our best to make small steps and goals at times along the way. This is when we will start to feel the change ignite and leaps and huge strides in our endeavors become possible. Imagination is sparked and comes to life when we dare to dream and open up our minds and hearts again. 

Plagiarism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Plagiarism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A Glimpse into My Kaleidoscope

    As a person that has lived her life challenged by feeling the emotional extremes of each feeling, I suddenly hit a crossing road with this complexity.  The tears stopped coming for awhile, the sadness faded to a holt, and the silence went from a meow....to a roar.  The inner anger that had felt cooped up for so many years began to transform into the necessary fury required to process and balance the mind to a good state of health.

     It certainly has been quite the challenging process filled with days of perplex emotions that I have learned to accept and work with.  I decided it would be in the best interest of the ones I love and care the most about thus far in my life.  I felt this martyr state of mind for month now, off and on, like peaks and valleys, twists and turns.  I was afraid for awhile, now the fear is less and less as time goes on.  I started feeling part of the inspirers in the world a few years back, following the birth of my youngest daughter. My biggest motivation has been driven for my love and compassion,  verses driven from the anger and despair.   

    I felt a range of emotions when it pertained especially to guilt and fear.  My gut instinct was telling me that what I was desiring and letting out was necessary and what would provide the awareness and change to the growing generations now and in the future.  I knew I would be faced with adversity, scrutiny, harsh judgement, disrespect, skepticism, negativity, and haters.  This didn't stop me nor will it Ever, yet it brought a pause and rerouting to my mind with its exhaustion and shock effect. It opened up my eyes to the reality of the world we live in, changed my perspective on many topics of controversy,  and especially alerted me to a better approach to start living by in my everyday interactions with anyone I meet, whether it be a new Neighbor, mail deliverer, acquaintance, co worker, classmate, teacher, or stranger in a resteraunt, sports establishment, a concert, karaoke or dance nights, fitness class, beach goer, pool club goer, or one that prefers the comfort of his or her own home most often known as a homebody. I began to understand and continue to have a firmer grasp on everyone's perspectives and ways of living.  We are truly a melting pot here in America.  The words of united we stand together, and together in opposition we fall stands out in my mind lately.  

    It breaks my heart that is fragile I've realized over the years.  People like us that have such a delicate heart must be careful to protect it is another awareness that has become apparent through others bravery or courage to come out about the truths behind it all in music, tv, blogs, movies, and organised groups.  Healthcare is at a crossing road these days especially, and as science, technology, authority figures,corporate leaders and spiritual workers and leaders all continue to team up and collaborate together on ways of coming together verses remaining separate, we will then be able to put an end to the suffering and figure out better ways to find resolution in the areas that present themselves to be  problematic and in need of the brain power and attention to fine detail that is warranted to yield the results our country and world needs not only for survival yet to feel truly alive inside.  I used to have a harder time with admitting my mistakes, not living up to the expectations of others.  I felt this strong drive to be perfect and a high achiever in many of the things I would do,  whether it be as an athlete, student, co worker, fitting in with the so called A list moms, party planner/ hosting holidays/ birthday parties/ summer cookouts, a valuable participating church member, or being a good hospitable neighbor.  After I took a huge step aside and really looked in the mirror, I found the answers I had been looking for many years now.  I now believe competition to be better in moderation, and  its important to find a group or groups of people that you fit in well with.  I don't like the feeling of being judged inappropriately or harshly, hence I'm aware that others do not prefer this yet to be understood and in this sense it has felt more of a way of being part of the solution.  By feeling and understanding others pain, joys, fears, drives, struggles, satisfactions, worries, and comforts, we are then able to help provide answers and insight to those that are best able to recognize and enforce new rules and regulations that show respect for all jurisdictions that are needed to provide flowing and harmonious order to our lands, waters, and skies.  A Girl Scout song is coming to mind at this moment, and I will leave this blog on that note...make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. Peace and please keep supporting the arts (starving, on their way to success, or currently successful). Your support in whatever way that is possible is especially necessary at this given time and shall continue to be an equally important area of expression, communication, and insight for generations and eras to come. 

The Untold Truths of a Recovering Drama Princess

      As any drama princess or queen would typically not disclose, I am one of the few that has chosen to tell all, in hopes of providing those I care about and am strongly connected to with the will or desire to see themselves more clearly as I have in a way that is significantly uncomfortable at first and for awhile depending on how far someone has gotten in to this way of thinking/ behaving in their everyday lives that inevitably can and does more harm than good for enough lives.  It became more and more clear to me that this was happening to me amidst a life changing event.  It then became my goal to gain clarity and spiritual/ emotional growth to best serve others, as I have clearly been chosen to do.  As any person that serves in the world is aware through experience, we can easily get drained and exhausted emotionally if we don't establish a concrete system in our daily lives to keep up with the energy flow that we are a huge part of, yet do not always have the necessary awareness to this fact that we start realizing that the other successful and thriving "team" players/ people serving the public have, yet though observation and time, we begin to open our eyes and see things for what they are.  Our next big step then becomes much easier and attainable to then provide the necessary energy and clarity that pieces it all together for the world in a solid way to distribute the power.  I see and feel harmony as the perfect balance between two opposing energy fields, and comparable to a lasting battery that endures the flow and balances the proper energy flow. I had no idea that my job in life was so key and imperative in its purpose that in the past I looked upon with no solid understanding and necessary depth of knowledge.  Once we gain this insight and are put to the test, it thankfully becomes less about winning and being the best or "right" one, yet more so becomes more than part of our will to survive and help others struggling in similar ways to escape the same survival mode that the mind can easily snap into with traumatic events that signal or activate the fight or flight mechanism, thus calling for a combined effort of help and meeting of the minds to avoid future disaster to our minds, as well as to precent further loss to our economy and health.   We are put into a position that then better directs our energies as should be or have been, to flourish and shine as we were originally called to do.  We then clearly know we have accomplished  breakthrough in our emotional growth once we interrupt our past cycle of sanity and refuse to ever go back living in the cycle of doing the same things over and over again expecting different results.  The sense of relief and growth feels incredible and intensifies our whole life meaning and we then begin to be positively contagious, as we Had desired Early on In Our lives yet werent aware of the avoidable distractions And misguiding We Had given the benefit of the doubt for long enough.  No longer did we want to be steered off course by people that knew how to manipulate us or have a strong sense of control over our thoughts and feelings.  It is then that they lost the power to do so, and we took back what we knew we needed to and deserved, because we had earned it and this gave us one of the best feelings we had ever had in the course of our life events.  Good sportsmanship can come into play in our lives when we win or feel loss in certain ways, as we recall back to how it feels to lose or win in any game, with the key ingredients from what I have experienced or strengthened/ lacked at various times to be grace, respect, humbleness, humility, and desire or ability to learn from a losing games failed combined efforts/ weaknesses as well as learn from a winning games combined efforts/ strengths.   I realise life isn't a game, yet an opportunity to grow in our strengths and weaknesses, and as we all journey, we find that age is a number more than anything to identify where we compare to each other or measure up even.  The day we stop trying to measure up or push others to measure up that are signalling or showing clear signs of regression and need to focus their attentions and energy on other important emotional or intellectual milestones as means to catch up, is the day the light goes on and we see love, kindness, and patience lead the way as is the answer and key to the improving and evolving of our struggling country.  The day we stop fearing change and others that think differently or express emotions as necessary based on how their minds have evolved or rewired due to stress or various factors, is also huge in bringing forth this necessary advancement and progress marches on. 

As The Light Bulb Turns On

      As the light bulb begins to turn on in my head, I am feeling a combination of feelings that have been perplexing to work with at times, at times fill me with a huge sense of understanding and warmth and compassion for life.  After the anger and depression layers are peeled away not so easily and with apprehension, the mind settles into a sense of relief and you finally feel like you can actually take in a deep breath that brings such fulfillment. 

     Never do I recall a day in my life that I took such a deep breath and receive such gratification.  After taking a few minutes to really be in tune to what I was feeling with this, it became apparent to me I was onto something here with the cleansing sense of nourishment and as though necessary cells that had been deprived for some time now, suddenly had the adequate nourishment that they had been missing for some time. 

      Fear of exploring areas of life that intrigued me my entire life had not only caused significant inner anger and turmoil, yet was stood in my way of personal growth in so many key milestones of development.  As I continue to put it all together and face myself in beneficial ways, I continue to feel more at peace inside and less anxious and afraid of myself.   Once we stop fearing ourselves related to others fear or lack of proper knowledge and tolerance, we gain power and strength over ourselves.  Our past behaviour that inhibited our inner growth began to offer us insight and internal composure, which is the ultimate freedom and discovery that can be life altering once we are finally able to let go of the unnecessary patterns of guilt and in-acceptance of ourselves and others we feared for various reasons all these years...providing a win win existence eventually.

     True inner peace feels to be achievable once we fully commit and decide to be completely honest with ourselves and others, thus lacking the  required achievable balance of intellect between emotional IQ and intellectual IQ. Some of our biggest fears stem from our past desire to fit in to a mold that was shaped by our evolving society, past upbringing, lack of awareness, religion, music, movies, television, radio, education, others opinions and feelings, and drugs- whether it be pills, mind altering drinks and inhalants, or substances.  Once we decided to take initiative and control over our lives is when the battle surely begun and continues to be a struggle of some sort, each and every day.  The hardest part in regaining composure and sanity amidst a storm of this kind has been the slippery slope with how to tell it like it is from an outside the box perspective that holds such clarity and truth which will yield significant, inevitable change of infinite balance for years and years to come.  

     Once we realise how easily influence able we are, it is then that we awaken to the ways of the world- both good and bad, frightening and not so frightening.  It is then that we are filled with hope, courage, and a certain inner peace that starts evolving and awakening our deepest, inner being and through using whatever senses we have to work with at various moments we begin to connect and come together or more in sync in ways that we had only dreamed of in the past.  The day we felt our dreams to start coming true through our connections and keen abilities and heightened awareness of the senses that were lacking, we utilised the tools necessary to wrk with that had inhibited us in the past, or better way to put it, kept us from connecting and uniting as a brave new world, combined of such amazing amount of unleashed talent and ability to serve as the ultimate founding foundation and key to the harmony of our universe.