It certainly has been quite the challenging process filled with days of perplex emotions that I have learned to accept and work with. I decided it would be in the best interest of the ones I love and care the most about thus far in my life. I felt this martyr state of mind for month now, off and on, like peaks and valleys, twists and turns. I was afraid for awhile, now the fear is less and less as time goes on. I started feeling part of the inspirers in the world a few years back, following the birth of my youngest daughter. My biggest motivation has been driven for my love and compassion, verses driven from the anger and despair.
I felt a range of emotions when it pertained especially to guilt and fear. My gut instinct was telling me that what I was desiring and letting out was necessary and what would provide the awareness and change to the growing generations now and in the future. I knew I would be faced with adversity, scrutiny, harsh judgement, disrespect, skepticism, negativity, and haters. This didn't stop me nor will it Ever, yet it brought a pause and rerouting to my mind with its exhaustion and shock effect. It opened up my eyes to the reality of the world we live in, changed my perspective on many topics of controversy, and especially alerted me to a better approach to start living by in my everyday interactions with anyone I meet, whether it be a new Neighbor, mail deliverer, acquaintance, co worker, classmate, teacher, or stranger in a resteraunt, sports establishment, a concert, karaoke or dance nights, fitness class, beach goer, pool club goer, or one that prefers the comfort of his or her own home most often known as a homebody. I began to understand and continue to have a firmer grasp on everyone's perspectives and ways of living. We are truly a melting pot here in America. The words of united we stand together, and together in opposition we fall stands out in my mind lately.
It breaks my heart that is fragile I've realized over the years. People like us that have such a delicate heart must be careful to protect it is another awareness that has become apparent through others bravery or courage to come out about the truths behind it all in music, tv, blogs, movies, and organised groups. Healthcare is at a crossing road these days especially, and as science, technology, authority figures,corporate leaders and spiritual workers and leaders all continue to team up and collaborate together on ways of coming together verses remaining separate, we will then be able to put an end to the suffering and figure out better ways to find resolution in the areas that present themselves to be problematic and in need of the brain power and attention to fine detail that is warranted to yield the results our country and world needs not only for survival yet to feel truly alive inside. I used to have a harder time with admitting my mistakes, not living up to the expectations of others. I felt this strong drive to be perfect and a high achiever in many of the things I would do, whether it be as an athlete, student, co worker, fitting in with the so called A list moms, party planner/ hosting holidays/ birthday parties/ summer cookouts, a valuable participating church member, or being a good hospitable neighbor. After I took a huge step aside and really looked in the mirror, I found the answers I had been looking for many years now. I now believe competition to be better in moderation, and its important to find a group or groups of people that you fit in well with. I don't like the feeling of being judged inappropriately or harshly, hence I'm aware that others do not prefer this yet to be understood and in this sense it has felt more of a way of being part of the solution. By feeling and understanding others pain, joys, fears, drives, struggles, satisfactions, worries, and comforts, we are then able to help provide answers and insight to those that are best able to recognize and enforce new rules and regulations that show respect for all jurisdictions that are needed to provide flowing and harmonious order to our lands, waters, and skies. A Girl Scout song is coming to mind at this moment, and I will leave this blog on that note...make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. Peace and please keep supporting the arts (starving, on their way to success, or currently successful). Your support in whatever way that is possible is especially necessary at this given time and shall continue to be an equally important area of expression, communication, and insight for generations and eras to come.
